It's as if one stimulus awakens other senses

YO

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 00:53:42 GMT

aperion_flux

If you haven't already, and you're a nice guy/nice gal, add it, and I'll add you back.

And this concludes this livejournal account.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 15:16:37 GMT

This journal is done

A photo from my travels

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 01:41:53 GMT

An image that struck me.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 09:31:29 GMT

Its time to stop being a disfuntional looser and actually get on top of my schoolwork again.

That is why I am awake right now, and it feels goddamn good.

I was so determined to get As at the beginning of this term. Whatever, as long as I take in all the knowledge that I need, and I pass everything I'm not going to give myself a hard time for getting Bs and Cs again. This summer and next year will bring so many new opportunities to grow and excell and prove myself.

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 22:36:21 GMT

I keep remembering this line from a movie brad showed me recently, it went something like "...because then you'll realize that everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are."

I keep trying to get myself to think that way and give that line meaning. I know I have felt that way before.

My meal plan is out of meals for the semester. (and bonus points) And my phone card is out of minutes so I cant call anyone. Massive suckaged.

Sometimes these days I feel okay, and sometimes I feel completely gone and dead still, but I am trying really hard to keep looking up. I feel stronger in many ways, but on the whole I am still a long way from being happy again.

Finally got the new deck Ive been needing

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 23:41:16 GMT

The city of Worcester is my playground.

Bad things prefer to arrive in rapid succession

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 02:16:57 GMT

1) Me getting a car is now official. This will be happening sometime around may. Look out, world.

2) I've got this little tune I'm working on now that I sorta like. I am excited to complete it and then share, even though I never seem to be satisfied that anything is "complete" when it comes to audio.

3) My grandfather died and I have returned to connecticut for two days to attend the wake. I will return to WPI saterday evening. Awesome, right?

4) I feel uncomfortable confessing it to the old LJ all the time, but I seriously have not gone a day without feeling completely shitty in a long, long time.

That is all.

Cheers.

More artsy fartsy crap from Cliff Cloff

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 01:48:38 GMT

Hi.

Bye.

a webbed construction

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:15:59 GMT

Zoop

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 23:43:58 GMT

Last night at about 11:30 Brad, wpi-Nick and I walked to Price chopper. Brad was manualing down one of the aisles on his skateboard, singing along to the 80s pop song on the radio in an awkwardly high pitched voice, before he lost balance and fell and slid into a bunch of watermelons.

We came back, and made grilled cheeses with Brads grilled cheese maker. Then we were joined in my room by some other cool dudes from my floor (Scott, Daisuke and my roomate) and we all played Zoop for Super Nintendo, as well as some Donkey Kong 2, and discussed the amazingness of old school video game soundtracks until about 2. Nick and I jammed along to Zoop and Donkey Kong with my guitar.

This is why I love college life.

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 07:32:02 GMT

I wish I could listen to this one song, "Suspending Disbelief" by Circa Survive forever. That would allow me to preserve my state of semi-peace with myself. I'm going to go to bed and hope that this music continues to ring out in my head until I fall asleep.

Things are changing wicked fast. I wish I could just enjoy where I am without worrying about what's ahead of me. I feel so much like I'm just being swept along.

I think I need to learn to do a better job managing all my thoughts and feelings. Anyway Starting now, I'm meditating for at least 20 minutes per day. Writing in my log, and on here has helped a lot as well.

Oh yeah so my new classes start tomorrow in about 6 hours, so nighty night. Heres the rundown:

MA2051 - Ordinary Differential Equations
MA1024 - Calculus IV
PH1140 - Oscillations, Waves and Optics

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 07:33:36 GMT

Today was a weird evening, I ended up going to these two weird/stupid parties with Lisa and other friends and other people from my school. There were so many people I didn't know, and so many people falling over drunk or stoned or who knows what. Basically it was the kind of thing that would irritate my except, 1) I was reunited with a close friend which felt really damn good and was important, and 2) as I was putting up with all the nonsense this evening, my head was in the clouds for most of the time. In a whole other state in fact.

So consequently I was in a pretty cool state of mind this evening, and still am. I feel damn good actually.

I canNOT wait to return on monday.

I hate this state. Some of the people in it, though, are another story.

In other news, check out the music I'm listening to here. And let me just say that CIRCA SURVIVE rocks my world more than any other artist I've discovered in the last 12 months. And thats a LOT of bands. Their EP completely blows me away.

Weird complicated game thing

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 01:54:00 GMT

1 - leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I will respond; i'll ask you five questions.
3 - you'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - you'll include this explanation.
5 - you'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

[interviewed by xbrokemywingsx]

1. If you had to live the life of any character from a book, who would it be and why? - Thats a tricky one, I think I'm glad I'm not any of the people I've read about in books. I guess if I had to pick one it would probably be Richard Feyman because he made a lot of important contributions, met lots of cool people, basically had a kickass life it seems like. If you mean fictitious characters, I think I'd choose Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which you can really only understand if you've read that book. (if you havent you definitely should because its amazing)

2. Who have you lost touch with that you'd like to get back in touch with? Why? A wholllllle bunch of my friends down in CT. I could list for hours. Also a bunch of people I've known really well online but never gotten the chance to meet.

3. You can meet anyone in the world. Who do you meet and why? What would you do? - In all honesty, Albert Einstein. I feel weird saying that because nowadays hes not even thought of as a scientist anymore, hes just this huge icon, this symbol. But honestly what that guy did with his head is the most ridiculous, incredible shit ever. I'd probably want to go eat a meal and then play chess and talk about math and physics and stuff. After that I'd want to jam with me on guitar and him on his violin...hell yeah.

Oh and also....one person Id REALLY love to be able to meet is my grandfather, because he died when I was 8. And even though I loved him, I've learned so much about him since then and hes one of the people I respect the most in the world, and I'd love to be able to talk with him as an adult.

4. If you had to follow strictly one type of philosophy for the rest of your life, what would that be?

Probably Buddhism. I dont agree with every aspect of it (like the reincarnation stuff), but in terms of philosophy I think Buddhism is very much right for me.

5. If you could have any skill (not supernatural) that you don't have now, what would it be?

I want to get much better at composing music. Im making babysteps, but whenever I finish a piece of music or art or whatever it gives me such enormous satisfaction.

But at least this album arouses me sexually

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 18:28:45 GMT

Okay so I guess it turns out that this vacation, which isn't really a vacation, I'll be able to see my friends for a total of 0.1 micromilinanoseconds.

School is my escape from vacation rather than the other way around, what the fuck?

Back to reality, for a little while at least

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 08:00:15 GMT

I drove home tonight with my uncle. I listened to music and sat in a surreal daze, letting myself be mesmerized by the lights going by the car and the complexity of the world moving by on the other side of the glass.

Somehow my uncle and I always get into these immensely deep conversations about reality, physics, and the nature of human existence and human perception. I experienced a number of weird, fragmented thoughts and ideas, too numerous and vague to begin to record or remember, but were still amazing to me.

My thoughts these days are mostly too disorganized or too personal for this journal, so all my pages and pages of directionless rambling gets funneled into my private log.

Goodnight, ladies.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:44:14 GMT

Last night I read through all my past livejournal entries from when I got this thing started in the summer of 03. I've been made aware of, or reminded of, a few things as a result:

• My senior year in High School was one of the best in my life. (reverse-office space dissorder) I'm really glad I have some sort of record of this.

• Judging by my LJ entries at least, apparently I was way more funny and interesting than I am now. lol.

• I'm really really unhappy about the extent to which Ive lost connection with most of the people I care about south of the border. I'm coming home to Connecticut in a couple days and I need to share some real quality time ASAP.

• I was aware of this already, of course, but I am seriously the luckiest son of a bitch evarrr. I have every reason to be thankful.

So here is the one-word expression of my thankfulness that my life is the way it is:

Woooo.

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 07:17:51 GMT

Why I am the most kickass boyfriend ever

NOTE: All music must be turned off before entering!

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 02:17:21 GMT

If you read this, please respond...

What's going on in your life?

What are you thinking, and feeling?

...Eating?

Tell me anything or everything...

Hell, write me a short poem, if you so desire.

I'm too out of touch with many of you...

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 07:31:14 GMT

Then again, in time my thoughts always return to the absolutes.

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 05:28:00 GMT

I feel increasingly unable to decipher, sift through or disentangle what goes on in my head.

It would feel extraordinarily helpful and good to meditate again, or something along those lines; it's been way too long. I spent a few minutes this evening laying on my bed in the dark and watching the snow swirl below the lights outside my window, which has to be the next best thing. I definitely need to set aside a few minutes like that more often to sort through my thoughts.

I tried to describe what Im thinking/feeling in this text box several times, but its clearly useless. All I know is that I dont know, and that the only music I can stand listening to is this song:

http://www.sixteenhands.com/x/Untitled.mp3

This is weird, suddenly the need to meditate feels as concrete and as unavoidable as the need to sleep or eat.

This last week of school will be as insane as ever, and after that will come a much needed respite, full of sleep, running, reading, meditation and hopefully creative progress.

As long as there's always progress...

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 00:25:48 GMT

This weekend was extraordinary.

C term is about over, and I'll be heading home again very soon. I'm not too sure whats going to happen next year, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up living with brad one way or another, and thats going to be fucking awesome. Theres a lot of uncertainty there, but Im sure things will all unfold for the best.

One thing is very certain though, and that is the fact that I will have to really enjoy myself and appreciate this D term, because it probably wont be this ridiculously easy to see Cait again for a while once D term is over. Not that it will immediately become extraordinarily difficult or anything, and not that I wouldn't go to any lengths necessary, but still.

This term really flew by....what the hell happened...

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 04:38:25 GMT

I'm retarded.

I'm at a point in my life where things are changing extremely fast, yet now I'm finding myself sitting here at my computer desk wondering about what's going to happen seven months or so from now.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm still perfectly content right now, its just strange. I think I'm going to want to make sure I have a car.

And anyway speaking of next year, I've got my schedule pretty much figured out, and I am stoked as fuck:

MA4451 - Boundary Value Problems
PH2201 - Intermediate mechanics 1

PH252X - Intro to Astrophysics
PH2202 - Intermediate mechanics 2

MA2251 - Tensor/Vector Calculus
MA3831 - Advanced Calculus 1

PH2301 - Electromagnetic Fields
MA3832 - Advanced Calculus 2

(plus four humanities/social science or whatever. who cares)

Next year is when the serious shit begins; no more baby classes. Seriously I just look at those class names and get a huge boner. Im especially looking forward to boundary value problems A-Term next year, because its the math I need to understand quantum mechanics which Im going to take junior year, and also because It'll be my first 4000 level math. Woo.

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 11:38:28 GMT

Once again, physics 1130 causes me to miss sleep. This is without a doubt the most demanding course I've ever taken by a long shot. The math in these problems is SO, SO, SO ridiculous. I'm not complaining, I'm glad to be challenged, but I need to develop better study habbits so that I can be challenged and sleep also.

That said, it has been a very cool night. It's nice to spend an entire night with myself; I have some really cool thoughts when I stay up all night. And I have so much to be thankful for and to think about. Seeing the sun rise tops things off nicely.

When I stay up, my mind tends to wander off and dwell on how amazing it is to be alive and be conscious, and to have individual thoughts ideas.

Right now, I am truly blessed and truly grateful.

DAMN it feels good to be a nerd!

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 18:50:56 GMT

Why physics 1130 is a beast that requires cunning and finess to tame.

Haha okay I'm done being lame, but seriously this shit is amazing.

Also, this gal I know....yeah. Her too.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 04:56:35 GMT

One of the best feelings I can ever get on my own is when I am running down a street, and I look up at the sky and feel the sunlight and the wind on my skin. I close my eyes and get the hugest chills all over my body.

Lately I've been stuck in this pattern I like to refer to as the Reverse-Office Space Dissorder whereby each successive day is better than the one before it. When I first came to WPI my life took a substantial turn for the better; I've devoted myself to the subjects which I am passionate about (math and physics), met a lot of awesome people, and I feel that now I am more mature, more capable and just a much stronger individual in general. This era of my life has definitely the best I've experienced yet. And yet after all that, as luck would have it, my life is being turned completely upside down again and things are now better than I previously thought possible.

I am so bewildered at how this could possibly have happened, and excited and happy to be who I am. My life right now is exactly the way it should be. I wouldn't know how to begin trying to convey this feeling.

The longing to express myself and express how I feel seems to be a major theme of my life. I try to do this with art, with music, with words and ultimately I think that is why I keep dumping my life into this text field night after night. Because I guess it feels like if I use the right words people will read this shit on their friends list and will have some inkling as to how I feel and I will have transcended that boundary. And until I become a more proficient musician/artist, I am satisfied with this half-measure.

Goodnight and much love to all reading this.